My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
