Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
