I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
