So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
