I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
