I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
