sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
