well I can't set my house on fire every night
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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