Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
