Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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