Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
