I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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