I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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