Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
