just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
