I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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