I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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