God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
