i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is wine microwaveable?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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