I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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