there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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