We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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