Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
