We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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