so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
