I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
