"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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