The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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