You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize