i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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