im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
