so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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