just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
