If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
