The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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