I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
