Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
