I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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