we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
