woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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