she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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