She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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