this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
