i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need to calm my uterus...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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