Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
