I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
