its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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