turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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