I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
