I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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