That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
