I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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