I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
