Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
