Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
