dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
