i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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