Small penises have feelings too.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
